So the Reality: Fifth Grader
by Samurai Crunchbird
Summary: Third in the 'So the Reality' series. After dating a hottie as a senior, saving the world on missions 'on a need to know basis', years of service at Smarty Mart, and tours of duty as a Marine...is Steven Barkin smarter than a 5th grader? ...Complete...
1. Introducing the Class

_**My disclaimer for the entire **__**So The Reality**__** series:**_

I know Disney owns "Kim Possible"...lock, stock, and Rufus.

Before I get done, I will probably tick off a few more studios, too.

If they want to sue me, they have to get behind all my other creditors.

Since I am in south Florida, the line has formed to the right

…and goes all the way to Sacramento!

""""""""""

_**Opening notes:**_

**1) ****This is the last of the **_**first**_** three stories in the 'So the Reality' series.** 'StR' places KP characters into various TV 'reality' shows. The first three stories are based on a 'Prologue' I initially wrote. These stories will start with a little bit of the 'Prologue' and its aftermath pertaining to the story ahead.

I originally planned to write this as the last story in the 'StR' series. Thanks to the support of so many FanFiction members, I am pleased to say this 'Writer Boy' still has a few tricks up his sleeve for 'StR'.

**2)** I know this is the start of a new story in my own series of KP tales. However, I would like to encourage you to check out a story I am 'beta-reading' for a friend. It's a dark tale called 'When Heroes Fall' by _**snapbang**_. This author has enlisted _**captainkodak1**_ (yes, _**THE**_ captainkodak1) as a plot consultant. After he gets the Captain's input on his rough drafts, he adds more material and sends it to me for spelling and grammar polishing. I must admit, though, my contribution did not start until Chapter 2.

With three great minds working on this piece (well, two great minds and a schmuck like me playing 'English teacher'), it's really worth reading…_**and reviewing!!**_

If you want a dark, serious story to provide balance to the 'lighter side' provided here, give it a try…**_after_ you finish this chapter, OK??**

One last thing about 'When Heroes Fall'…_**It is rated 'T' for obvious violence.**_ You might want to use discretion before letting those _**younger**_ than a fifth-grader read it.

**3)** As far as I know, these questions are 'grade appropriate' for their respective categories. _**I did not intentionally steal any questions from the show!! **_In a few instances, I wrote different questions on the same subjects as those that aired.

**Please, **_**Please, **__**PLEASE**_** do not chastise me about question placement (if what you think should be a 'Fourth-grade' question is presented as 'Third-grade', if you think a 'Science' question should be 'Animal Science', etc.).**

I have also tried to verify the accuracy of each answer with at least three different sources (_**available upon PM request**_).

**4) **As a reminder, this story takes place a little more than six years _**before**_ the rest of the 'StR' timeline so far. The reason for this 'time shift' will become obvious soon enough.

**5) **No matter what I put here, it's still up to you, the loyal reader, to let me know what you want. _**Review me, e-mail me if you wanna reach me! If you want to 'PM' me, that's ok!**_ (Sorry…got carried away there, but you get the idea.) Enjoy!

_**-- -- -- -- -- --**_

'_**So the Reality: Fifth Grader' (Introduction)**_

A 'sold out' crowd of over twenty-three-hundred fans packed the Boettcher Concert Hall in downtown Denver, Colorado. They were anticipating the arrival of 'Jeff the Redneck®', one of the top stand-up comics in the nation. About thirty minutes before the scheduled start of Jeff's performance, the crowd was already in full force with their stomping, shouting, whooping, and hollering. One family traveled over five-hundred-forty miles from Pawnee City, Nebraska, to attend the show…

""""""""""

Jeff sat in his dressing room wondering how he got conned into doing this gig. Here he was, with several million-selling humor books and dozens of best-selling videos and albums, playing to a smaller crowd than his last 'book-signing' appearance.

He also had his own line of officially-licensed 'Jeff the Redneck®' products, with virtually every item known to mankind bearing his trademarked name. This included the usual clothing products and lunchboxes, but it did not stop at that point. There was the 'Jeff the Redneck®' car kit, where a good mechanic could put together a street-legal car from just the parts in the kit. There was the 'Jeff the Redneck®' toaster, which printed his image on every piece of bread it toasted. The line even included a 'Jeff the Redneck®' notebook computer, for those 'high-tech' rednecks!

Jeff was selling out venues like the Mega-Office Center in Los Angeles and Madison's Garden Square in New York…and now this little place that could easily fit inside the backstage facilities of either of those venues.

Still, he was always ready to try things new and different, like this idea for a new game show from the creators of 'Survival'.

'_It __**seems**__ like a good enough premise._' Jeff thought. '_I just hope it does better than that __**sitcom**__ fiasco!_'

Jeff's makeup was finished just in time for him to get to his 'off-stage' position and wait for his cue…

""""""""""

On one side of the stage sat a cluster of five desks. These desks each had name tags, which were covered in dark plastic for the time being. Each desk surface contained an electronic tablet and stylus pen. A projection screen stood behind the desks.

A large wooden desk was located in the rear-middle portion of the stage. This desk was decorated with textbooks, a globe, rulers, pencils, pens, notebooks, and (of course) an apple. The projection screen behind this desk was twice as big as the other screen.

A set of two podiums faced the larger desk. Each podium contained the same tablet/stylus combination as the smaller desks. A large button was positioned on one corner of each podium. While the podium surfaces were equal in height, steps leading to a raised platform were behind one of the podiums.

Thad Marster, the comic hired to normally open for Jeff, stood between the two podiums and addressed the crowd.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I would normally perform an opening monologue just before introducing Jeff. Tonight, you won't hear that from me."

This brought a roar of cheers from the crowd, and a frown from Thad.

"Thanks, folks." Thad said in a deadpan voice. "That didn't hurt at all!"

This drew a good amount of laughter. Thad let it settle before continuing.

"Tonight, we decided to give the people of Denver a little treat. In addition to Jeff's full performance, we are also shooting a pilot for a new show—right here on this stage!"

A loud chorus of boos quickly erupted from the capacity crowd.

"Wait, Wait…Hear me out. I assure you it is _**not**_ a sitcom this time!"

The rafters of the hall shook with applause at that statement. It was the first time anything Thad said on stage had generated a standing ovation.

Returning to his deadpan voice, Thad droned, "Thanks again, everybody. I'm sure Jeff agrees in full."

More laughter sprung from the audience before Thad returned to his normal voice.

"With all these game shows that have sprung up since Reject Philbin's 'Million-Dollaraire', we thought we'd make things simple. All you have to do to win a million dollars on tonight's show is answer eleven simple questions.

"Did I say 'simple questions'? I mean _**really**_ simple questions—the kind you had back in grade school."

Thad turned to face a camera before he spoke again.

"Anybody in America should be able to do this, right? Of course, you should. You just have to ask yourself…

"_**Are you smarter than a Fifth Grader?**_"

At that moment, taped music blared through the hall's speakers. The music featured a group of children, singing:

_Are you smarter than a fifth grader? _

'Cause there's gonna be a test later.

Teacher, teacher now we're back in school. 

_Are you smarter than you used to be?_

Are you smarter than a fifth grader?

Grab a pencil and a piece of paper.

Teacher, teacher now we're back in school. 

_So are you smart enough for the fifth grade?_

Thad shouted at the top of his lungs, "And here's your host…Jeff the Redneck®!!"

""""""""""

Jeff heard his name and used his lanky frame to spring onto the stage.

"Thank you, everybody," he shouted above the applause, "and welcome to a very special night here in Denver, Colorado.

"Do you remember all of those little things you learned in grade school, such as 'I before E, except after C' or 'What goes up must come down'? Tonight, we will put that knowledge to the test for one person. If he can answer just _eleven_ of these questions correctly, he will walk out of here with _One_ _Million_ _**DOLLARS!!**_"

Jeff let the applause fade before he continued.

"And…just to help him out, we have brought in five terrific kids from a suburban school district just outside of town. Give it up for our fifth graders!"

Applause from the audience ebbed and flowed with the introduction of each student.

Jeff shouted, "Here they are now…

"…_**BONNIE…**_"

…A brunette girl in a flowing pink dress casually walked up to Jeff. She curtseyed, gave Jeff a modest smile, and offered him the top of her hand. Surprised by her sophistication, Jeff reached down and began to bring her hand up to kiss it. The girl quickly snatched the hand away before the kiss was made.

She sashayed to her desk, gave Jeff an evil grin, and ripped the cover from her desk's name tag. It had her name, along with pictures of a diamond and a 'shooting star'…

"…_**TARA…**_"

…A smiling blonde girl skipped up to Jeff, gave him a quick hug, and skipped over to her desk.

She carefully removed the cover from her desk's name tag. Her name was complimented by decorative pictures of a butterfly and a flower…

_"…**JOSH…**"_

…A polite young boy with dark hair (except for a shock of blonde hair off to one side) walked up to Jeff, politely shook his hand, and removed the cover from his desk's name tag.

His name was adorned with pictures of an artist's palette and a rainbow springing from a canvas on an artist's easel…

"…_**KIM…**_"

A blur of red and powder-blue performed several back-flips and a somersault in the air before landing right in front of Jeff. Once this bundle of energy stopped, it became a young girl with red hair in pigtails. She wore a white T-shirt with a powder-blue heart on the front. She also wore matching powder-blue slacks and white athletic shoes. She flashed a sheepish grin as she shook Jeff's hand.

The girl performed a flawless hand-spring, uncovered her name tag in mid-air, and landed in her seat behind her desk. Her name tag was adorned with pictures of a globe and a heart similar in size to the one on her shirt.

"…_**and RON…**_"

…a blonde-haired boy ran full-speed toward Jeff. He overshot his intended mark and crashed into one of the podiums. Jeff rushed over to make sure the child and the podium were still intact. The boy rose with a goofy grin on his face.

The collision managed to unhinge the youngster's belt buckle. As he shook Jeff's hand, the boy's pants fell around his ankles. Luckily, his brand-new 'Jeff the Redneck®' boxer shorts kept the censors from shutting down production right then and there.

Jeff tried to put his best 'spin' on the situation as the audience howled with laughter. He placed one hand on the boy's shoulder as he led the student to his desk. At this point, nobody was paying attention to the name tag, which was decorated with pictures of a chef's hat and a video-game controller.

Three of the boy's 'classmates' joined the rest of the crowd in long and hearty laughter. The red-haired girl in the powder-blue, however, looked at the audience as if she was ready to fight all of them at once!!

Although she couldn't be heard amongst all the laughter, she shouted, "_**LEAVE MY BEST FRIEND ALONE!!**_"

Once the boy was seated, Jeff raised his hands to silence the audience.

"At least," Jeff stated with pride, "the kid's got good taste!"

The audience resumed their laughter as Jeff rubbed the kid's shoulders and tried to calm him down. The red-haired girl and the blonde boy exchanged a few words. Oddly enough, _**he**_ was reassuring _**her**_ that everything was going to be ok!

After everything returned to a relative state of normal, Jeff returned to his position between the podiums.

"Now that you've met our students," Jeff said, "it's time to meet our contestant…

"He's a recently-discharged Marine lieutenant who will soon be facing an even _**more**_ dangerous challenge…teaching at a high school! From right here in Denver, please welcome…Steven Barkin!!"

Although he was dressed in a dark blue 'civilian' suit, Steven smartly marched out to the podiums and saluted Jeff. After Jeff returned the salute, the men shook hands and Steven took his position behind one of the podiums.

Jeff read from one of his cards, "Steven, it says here that we have a picture of you from back when _**you**_ were in fifth grade; but now I'm not so sure…"

On the large projection screen, a silhouette of a boy's head appeared. In front of the silhouette was a red bar with white lettering which declared that the picture was 'CLASSIFIED'.

'_**Whew**_' thought Steven, '_that was close! Betty and I may have dated in our senior year, but I'm __**glad**__ she still has my back after all those missions! I wonder how she's __**doing**__ over at GJ now, anyway? If she plays her cards right, she might be Director soon. Hmph…how fitting would __**that**__ be? Oh, well…at least she has the __**name**__ for it!_'

As Steven's mind was on his former girlfriend, Jeff was explaining the general rules of the game…

"At the start of the game, and after every two questions, you must pick a new 'classmate'. Once you pick a 'classmate', you can select one of these categories and answer a question from that grade level and subject…"

At this point, the large projection screen showed ten categories, two each for five different grade levels. Steven was still too busy thinking about Betty to pay attention to them.

"…The more questions you get right, the more money you make…"

An earnings chart showed ascending amounts starting at one thousand dollars and climbing up to five hundred thousand dollars.

"…If you get all ten questions right, you will have the chance to answer one more question for one million dollars…"

Roars of applause came up from the audience as the projection screen switched from the earnings chart to one larger bar which read 'Million Dollar Question'

"…If you get a question wrong before you reach twenty-five thousand dollars, you will 'flunk out' and lose all the money you have earned up to that point. We'll get to the twenty-five thousand dollar level later.

"If you can't answer a question at any time, you can always 'drop out' of school and walk away with whatever money you have earned so far...

"Steven, we did add _**one**_ rule after your briefing backstage…If you 'drop out' or 'flunk out' of this school, you have to look into the camera and say, 'I am _NOT _smarter than a fifth grader!'

"_Do we have a deal?_"

Steven was just coming back to reality after reflecting on his relationship with Betty. He _**knew**_ Jeff was explaining the rules. He was not worried, though. The rules had already been explained to him an hour ago as he was putting on his suit.

The only thing Steven heard that differed from the earlier briefing was, "_Do we have a deal?_"

Steven shook Jeff's hand and declared, "You can count on me!"

"Okay, Steven…Pick a classmate and let's get started!"

_**-- -- -- -- -- --**_

_**Author's ending notes:**_

**1) **Well, well, well…just _**who**_ do you think Steven will pick first out of those five? Probably not the 'Pants-less Wonder'…unless Steven thinks he won't need help on the first two questions. _**Then**_ he might _want_ to get Ron out of the way early, saving the others for when he might _need_ help!

'Curiouser and curiouser…' as Alice once said in Wonderland…

**2) **Before you ask, I **_am_** a native Nebraskan (though not from Pawnee City). My family tree _**does**_ fork and I _**can**_ actually spell AT but in many _other_ ways, I _**is**_ a redneck!

**3)** _**I will post the next chapter in about two weeks (on or around 12-8-2007). This should provide readers with enough time to catch up with their 'post-holiday' lives and give a decent review here before the next chapter is released.**_

**4)** The production of this story, like that for any work of fiction, is solely dependent upon the _constructive_ feedback of its readers. If you like it, I will gladly make more. If you think of ways to make it better, I am always open to suggestions. If you really think it's a piece of garbage, stop me before I strike again!! Once again, _**Review me, e-mail me if you wanna reach me! If you want to 'PM' me, that's ok!**_

Your friend in writing,

The Samurai Crunchbird


	2. Tara and the Towel

_**My disclaimer for the entire **__**So The Reality**__** series:**_

I know Disney owns "Kim Possible"...lock, stock, and Rufus.

Before I get done, I will probably tick off a few more studios, too.

If they want to sue me, they have to get behind all my other creditors.

Since I am in south Florida, the line has formed to the right

…and goes all the way to Sacramento!

""""""""""

_**Opening notes:**_

**1) **_**Thank you for finding my story!! **_To promote _'StR: Fear Factor'_, I sent PM messages to all those who sent reviews for **both** _'The Big Day'_ **and** _'StR: Amazing Race'_.

I did not do that for this story (except for one person in particular)...yet I still got reviews from _**Darkon Shadows**_, _**karenstern05**_, _**Ran Hakubi**_, _**FireStorm2K7**_, _**King in Yellow**_, _**Captain IT**_, and _**Comet Moon**_. This is a fine mixture of long-time loyal readers and new visitors. Thank you, one and all.

As you may remember, I said I would post the second chapter on or around 12-8-2007. The out-pouring of support, not to mention the successful vanquishing of my minor 'writer's block', has caused me to speed up the timetable and release this chapter now.

**2)** In the notes for my last chapter, I gave a 'shout-out' for a work I am 'beta-reading'. It is 'When Heroes Fall', by another friend of mine, _**snapbang**_.

The response to that mention was incredible. For all who have so far read (or at least considered reading) this collaboration, I want to express my genuine thanks. At one point, _**snapbang**_ seriously thought about re-writing one of the chapter endings to close the story and 'pull the plug' on the whole project. Because of the increased response to the last few chapters, the story _**will**_ live on!!

Folks, if you want a dark, serious story to provide balance to the 'lighter side' provided here, give it a try…_**after**_ _**you finish this chapter, OK??**_

One thing about 'When Heroes Fall', though…_**It is rated 'T' for obvious violence.**_ You might want to use discretion before letting those _**younger**_ than a 'fifth grader' read it.

**3)** As far as I know, these questions are 'grade appropriate' for their respective categories. _**I did not intentionally steal any questions from the show!! **_In a few instances, I wrote different questions on the same subjects as those that aired.

**Please do not chastise me about question placement (if what you think should be a 'Fourth grade' question is presented as 'Third grade', if you think a 'Science' question should be 'Animal Science', etc.).** I have also tried to verify the accuracy of each answer with at least three different sources (_**available upon PM request**_).

**4) **As a reminder, this story takes place a little more than six years _**before**_ the rest of the 'StR' timeline so far. The reason for this 'time shift' became obvious in the last chapter.

**5) **No matter what I put here, it's still up to you, the loyal reader, to let me know what you want. _**Review me, e-mail me if you wanna reach me! If you want to 'PM' me, that's ok!**_ (Sorry…got carried away there, but you get the idea.) Enjoy!

_**-- -- -- -- -- --**_

'_**So the Reality: Fifth Grader' (Question Segment One)**_

"_Steven, we did add __**one**__ rule after your briefing backstage…If you 'drop out' or 'flunk out' of this school, you have to look into the camera and say, 'I am NOT smarter than a fifth grader!'_

"_**Do we have a deal?"**_

_Steven was just coming back to reality after reflecting on his relationship with Betty. He __**knew**__ Jeff was explaining the rules. He was not worried, though. The rules had already been explained to him an hour ago as he was putting on his suit._

_The only thing Steven heard that differed from the earlier briefing was, "Do we have a deal?"_

_Steven shook Jeff's hand and declared, "You can count on me!"_

"_Okay, Steven…Pick a classmate and let's get started!"_

""""""""""

At the same time, hands rose from all five desks. Ron held up both hands and started waving them like a sailor spelling out semaphore. Tara held up one hand and smiled as she wiggled her fingers. Bonnie's hand was calmly raised, though her face showed indifference to the whole process. Josh was shy as he held his stylus pen in his upturned arm.

Kim leaned forward in her desk and waved one open hand. Her pigtailed hair brushed up against Ron. Its strawberry scent caused his arm movement to stop and his eyes to momentarily glaze over in bliss. Kim was too busy trying to get picked to notice this reaction.

Almost every audience member shouted their suggestions toward Steven. The older couple from Pawnee City, their own auburn hair mixing with gray, shouted, "Pick the red-head!"

Before making his choice, Steven took a fresh look at the progressive money ladder. It displayed the following levels:

_**$1,000,000**_

$500,000

$300,000

$175,000

$100,000

$50,000

_**$25,000**_

$10,000

$5,000

$2,000

$1,000

_**--**_ $0 **_--_**

Steven looked at each of the classmates thoroughly. He just needed someone who knew basic information, just in case the show's writers tried to trip him up with a 'semi-trick' question.

He was confident in the higher grade-level questions. After all, he was near the top of his class in both high school and college. Even if he was stumped, he could still win a lot of cash along the way before 'dropping out'.

Going with what he thought was the safest choice, he said, "Let's go with Tara."

Jeff shouted, "Come on up here, Tara!" as the audience began to applaud.

Tara squealed as she ran up to Steven. She gave him a sweet smile as she shook his hand. She then skipped over to the podium and climbed its two stairs.

Jeff faced the girl and looked at a card.

"It says here," he read, "that you enjoy dancing and singing in the church choir…_Not _at the same time, though, right?"

This drew polite laughter from the audience.

'Actually," Tara responded, "it's a Pentacostal church, so it _**is**_ at the same time!"

This reply raised the volume of laughter, with a few added shouts of 'Hallelujah!'

Jeff smiled and continued from the card, "It also says here you have a _crush_ on someone."

A chorus of 'Oooohs' and 'Awwwwws' rustled through the audience.

"Yeah," Tara sighed, "but he has _no_ idea about it. He's been wrapped around somebody else's finger since pre-k, but _neither_ one of them has any clue about how the other one feels."

"I'm sure," Jeff countered, "he'll snap out of it some day."

"Not _R—_!" Tara stopped, just in time to keep from revealing too much, "I mean _him_! He's got it _bad_, Jeff!"

"_Riiiiiiiiiight_," Jeff carefully drawled. "Tara, let's try to win Steven some money? How does that sound?"

"Sounds great to me," Tara beamed.

Jeff turned back to the gentleman to his right. "Okay, Steven," he said, "pick a category."

Steven looked at the list of categories on the large projection screen. Since his mind was still wandering during the rules explanation, it was also the first time he paid attention to this list:

_1st Grade __**Animal Science**_

_1st Grade __**World Geography**_

_2nd Grade __**U.S. History**_

_2nd Grade __**Science**_

_3rd Grade __**Literature**_

_3rd Grade __**Math**_

_4th Grade __**U.S. Geography**_

_4th Grade __**Vocabulary**_

_5th Grade __**Music**_

_5th Grade __**World History**_

After careful consideration, Steven said, "Let's try '1st Grade Animal Science', Jeff."

"Alright, Steven," Jeff said, pointing to the screen, "here is your question for one thousand dollars…"

The image on the projection screen switched from the category list to the text of the first question, read aloud by Jeff:

_"…If an animal known as a Dalmatian had babies, would they be kittens, calves, or puppies?"_

Jeff turned to the blond pre-teen student to his left.

"Tara," he explained, "you and your classmates will write down your answers to each question. Since you are the one up here, you will press the button on the podium to 'lock in' your response once you are done, okay?"

"No problem, Jeff." Tara chirped.

She thought about the question for only a second. She wrote down her response and hit the button on the podium. It changed the glowing lights on the podium from white to red.

"Now that Tara has locked in what _she_ thinks it is," Jeff addressed Steven, "we turn to you for _your_ answer…

"Remember, Steven, if you are _not sure_ of your answer, you have three 'Cheats' you can use…a 'Peek', a 'Copy', and a 'Save'."

On cue, the projection screen behind the students displayed all three options, with a blue pulsing line surrounding each 'cheat' as Jeff explained its purpose…

"If you use your 'peek', you can take a look at your classmate's paper. You can still choose whether to answer the question with that response, or yours, or to walk away.

"If you use your 'Copy', you _**must**_ use your classmate's response to answer the question.

"If you get a question wrong, but your classmate has the correct answer, that classmate will 'Save' you, and the game will continue.

"Your question again, Steven…If an animal known as a Dalmatian had babies, would they be kittens, calves, or puppies?"

"Well, Jeff," Steven chuckled, "I think it's safe to say a Dalmatian has puppies."

"If that's your answer," Jeff said, "press that button on your podium and 'lock in' your response."

Steven declared, "I'm locking it in!"

Steven then pressed the button on the podium. Just like Tara's podium, its glowing lights changed from white to red.

Jeff paced between the two podiums for a moment before he turned back to Steven and said, "You have $1,000!"

Cheers and applause erupted from the crowd. The question disappeared from the large projection screen and indicated Steven's progress on the escalating money tower. A blue line swirled around the oval which read '$1,000'. The applause continued as Jeff proceeded with the game.

"Let's double that money, Steven. Pick another category."

After Jeff said this, the earnings tower was replaced by the list of remaining categories on the larger projection screen.

Steven was quick with his response…

"I'll take '1st Grade World Geography' this time."

"Here we go, Steven," Jeff shouted. "for $2,000…

_"…What is the world's southern-most continent?"_

Tara picked up her stylus and was poised to write. Suddenly, a worried look washed over her face. She turned to Jeff and whispered something in his ear.

Jeff placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, smiled, and said, "Don't worry, Tara. Since this is _**not**_ a spelling category, we _**won't**_ take off for that, as long as the general answer is correct."

A few chuckles drifted down from those in attendance, including the older couple from Pawnee City.

"Whew! Thank goodness." said Tara. She wiped her brow with a nearby 'Jeff the Redneck®' hand towel before she wrote down and 'locked in' her answer.

"Okay," Jeff said, "Tara has 'locked in'. What do you say, Steven?"

Steven confidently responded, "Antarctica." He quickly hit the 'lock-in' button on his podium.

Jeff casually walked over to the four classmates seated at their desks.

He said, "Let's see what the other students have…"

One by one, along with Jeff's sentences, their responses appeared on the screen behind them…

"…Bonnie wrote 'Antarctica'…

"…Josh, you also wrote 'Antarctica'…

"…Kim, you went with 'Antarctica' as well…

"…and Ron, you said…'_**Rufus**_'?"

The blonde boy rubbed the back of his neck and nervously chuckled, "Yeah…heh-heh…Geography is not one of my strong suits, Jeff."

Jeff and everyone else in attendance joined Ron in his little joke…except Steven, who looked at the boy with a glare that could melt steel.

Jeff walked back toward the two podiums and said, "Now we'll take a look at Tara's answer…"

On the smaller screen, 'Rufus' was replaced by 'Antarctica'. This brought a smile to Jeff's face.

"See, Tara," he pointed out, "you wrote 'Antarctica' right. And _you_ were worried about _**spelling**_!"

This brought another angelic smile to Tara's face.

"The bad news," Jeff continued, "is that if Steven here got it wrong, you won't be able to 'Save' him..."

Tara's smile quickly transformed into a look of genuine concern.

"…but you don't have to worry about that, because he's _**right**_ for $2,000!!"

The audience once again erupted in applause. Tara squealed with delight as she waved the 'Jeff the Redneck®' hand towel around to further encourage the crowd.

Jeff turned to Steven and said, "Tara has to go back to her fellow students now…each fifth grader can only help you for two questions. Everybody give it up for _**Tara!**_"

The audience gave Tara a standing ovation as she hugged Jeff, who leaned close and smiled as he whispered, "By the way…you can _**keep**_ the towel."

After grabbing the towel from the podium, Tara hugged Steven before she skipped back to her desk.

"Okay, Steven," Jeff intoned, "pick another 'classmate'."

The four students yet to be chosen raised their hands in similar fashion to the first selection process.

After a few seconds, Steven flatly said, "Bonnie."

"Bonnie," Jeff called out, "come on up here."

The brunette girl gave a look as if to say, _'Oh…if I __must__ go up there, I might as well get it over with!'_

She strolled up to Steven and offered her hand in the same fashion she offered it to Jeff earlier. Fortunately for Steven, he was just 'off-camera' when she pulled her little stunt.

Not wanting to fall into the same trap as Jeff, he gently turned her hand and gave it a regular handshake.

With her plan foiled, Bonnie gave an 'evil-eye' look toward Steven and sashayed to the other podium.

'_Man,'_ Steven thought, _'I hope I don't need __**her**__ help through any of this!'_

"Bonnie," Jeff drawled, "it says here you are an accomplished dancer."

"Yes," Bonnie droned, "I am classically trained, Jeff. In fact, I starred in last year's production of 'The Nutcracker'."

"_**Ow**_," cried Jeff, "that sounds painful!"

While the rest of those in attendance laughed, Bonnie rolled her eyes and sighed, "It's Tchaikovsky's Christmas-time _**ballet**_, silly!"

"Ohhh…" Jeff acknowledged before turning toward Steven, "go ahead and pick another subject."

Steven studied the list and said, "I'll go with '2nd Grade Science'."

"Okay, Steven. The **$5,000** question is…_**coming up**_ when we get back!"

Once again, the audience applauded as the taped music played…

_Are you smarter than a fifth grader? _

_'Cause there's gonna be a test later…_

_**-- -- -- -- -- --**_

_**Author's ending notes:**_

**1) **I am in _**shock!!**_ Veterans of this site know all too well that the FanFiction server has issues with almost any number over 999, yet it accurately displayed the dollar amounts...go figure!

**2) **I hope you don't mind that I included a few KP 'back-stories' here, including Tara's crush, Steven's dislike for Ron, and Bonnie's nasty attitude. I thought it would make the whole experience more 'in character'.

**3) **Yes, there will be more 'Pawnee City' and 'Jeff the Redneck®' merchandise mentions in the chapters ahead. If you remember my 'Amazing Race' story, you will recall a 'running gag' involving a bunch of crazed fans called 'Ronnies' being thwarted by 'MiJ's, who wore blue-and-green jumpsuits.

For those who are _not_ fans of 'running gags', take heart…at least this story's 'Prologue' chapter didn't mention the 'Tweebs and their strings of 150 megawatt Christmas bulbs…

"_Don't you mean '150 __**watt**__ bulbs'?"_

I wish I did, folks…I _**really**_ wish I did!

**4)** The production of this story, like that for any work of fiction, is solely dependent upon the _constructive_ feedback of its readers. If you like it, I will gladly make more. If you think of ways to make it better, I am always open to suggestions. If you really think it's a piece of garbage, stop me before I strike again!! Once again, _**Review me, e-mail me if you wanna reach me! If you want to 'PM' me, that's ok!**_

Your friend in writing,

The Samurai Crunchbird


	3. Midnight Sun is Shining on You

_**My disclaimer for the entire **__**So The Reality**__** series:**_

I know Disney owns "Kim Possible"...lock, stock, and Rufus.

Before I get done, I will probably tick off a few more studios, too.

If they want to sue me, they have to get behind all my other creditors.

Since I am in south Florida, the line has formed to the right

…and goes all the way to Sacramento!

""""""""""

_**Opening notes:**_

**1) **I _**was**_ going to lead with my thanks to those who reviewed my last chapter. However, a bit of the 'real world' hit too close to home for me on December 5th...

Growing up in Omaha, Nebraska, I was always awe-struck whenever I saw the Westroads Shopping Center fully trimmed in holiday decorations. That warm glow still touched my heart every year until I was unwillingly relocated to Florida just before I turned 22. Through most of my childhood, it was ranked as one of the ten largest shopping malls in the **_world!_** It has its own non-denominational chapel and two helipads for crying out loud!

On December 5th, 2007, that magical holiday feeling was forever torn from the souls of thousands of holiday shoppers. A man unleashed a hail of bullets from what some media outlets report as an M-16. In total, he killed eight people and wounded five others (two critically) before killing himself.

_I, myself, am a Christian._

_I know there are many readers of these stories who are of differing faiths and beliefs._

_If you choose to believe in some form of 'higher power', **PLEASE** pray to that deity_

_for healing and comfort of those directly impacted by this massacre._

_**Thank you!!**_

**2) Again,**_ Thank you for finding my story!!_ This time, I am grateful for the Chapter 2 reviews of _**Darkon Shadows**_, **_King in Yellow_**, _**karenstern05**_, _**Ran Hakubi**_, **_Comet Moon_**, _**Captain IT**_, _**lxk**_, and _**CajunBear73 ('Welcome back' to the last two, BTW)**_. I am truly honored to remain in your good graces. I thank you all!

For everybody else...I **_do_** reply to each and every review I receive. **_Send a review...get a reply...see your name on the screen._** It's just that simple!

**3)** _**Due to circumstances beyond my control (actually, beyond my brain's cognitive abilities), one of the 4**__**th**__** Grade subjects was incorrectly listed. I have gone back and corrected it in the last two chapters. The correct list is used here, and will continue to be used for the rest of the story…I hope!**_

**Please do not chastise me about question placement (if what you think should be a '4****th**** grade' question is presented as '3****rd**** grade', if you think a 'Science' question should be 'Animal Science', etc.).** I have also tried to verify the accuracy of each answer with at least three different sources (_**available upon PM request**_).

**4) **As a reminder, this story takes place a little more than six years _**before**_ the rest of the 'StR' timeline so far. The reason for this 'time shift' became obvious in the first chapter.

**5) **No matter what I put here, it's still up to you, the loyal reader, to let me know what you want. _**Review me, e-mail me if you wanna reach me! If you want to 'PM' me, that's ok!**_ (Sorry…got carried away there, but you get the idea.) Enjoy!

_**-- -- -- -- -- --**_

'_**So the Reality: Fifth Grader' (Question Segment Two)**_

_Are you smarter than a fifth grader? _

_'Cause there's gonna be a test later…_

Jeff hollered over the applause, "Welcome back to 'Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

"Before the break, Steven Barkin picked up $2,000 and is now going for $5,000 with '2nd Grade Science'…

"Steven, are you ready for your next question?"

Steven Barkin looked at Jeff with a determined face and growled, "I served in the Marines…I was _born_ ready!""

Jeff turned to the brunette girl Steven chose as his 'classmate' for the next two questions.

"How about you, Bonnie?" he asked. "Are you ready for the question?"

Bonnie rolled her eyes and groaned, "Fine…whatever!"

"Okaayy." Jeff continued. "Steven, here is your $5,000 question…

"…_Water is made up of __what__ two elements?"_

Bonnie took a moment to write her response on the podium's electronic tablet. She gave Jeff a smirk, twirled around in a pirouette, and pressed the podium's button.

"Steven," Jeff said in a bewildered tone, "Bonnie has 'locked in' her answer…I guess! So, what do you say?"

Steven smiled and said, "Hydrogen and oxygen." He was quick to 'lock in' that response.

Jeff walked over to the front row of the audience and began to strike up a conversation with the couple from Pawnee City.

"So…" Jeff asked the husband, "how do you like the show so far?"

"It's pretty good so far…" the man replied.

"…almost as good as your 'Jeff the Redneck®' tales!" his wife continued.

"Do you think," Jeff countered, "this guy has a good shot at the million?"

"Of course!!" the couple said in unison.

"Jinx," the wife chirped, "you owe me a soda-pop!"

"Oh, man…" the husband groaned, "…after fifty years, you'd think I'd know better!"

As the audience heartily laughed, Kim thought to herself…

'_Hmmmm…that just might __work__! Maybe I can get __**Ron**__ to buy the drinks at Bueno Nacho once in a while. **He** gets as much of an allowance as **I** do, after all…'_

This distraction from the game caused an uneasy feeling in Steven's stomach and a look of annoyance in Bonnie's eyes.

Jeff decided that he left the contestant and his 'classmate' hanging long enough.

"We'll talk later, you two," he said as he turned back to the podiums, "but right now…I gotta give this man $5,000 'cause he's _**right!**_"

Another wave of applause came from the crowd as Steven's position on the earnings tower rose once again:

_**$1,000,000**_

$500,000

$300,000

$175,000

$100,000

$50,000

_**$25,000**_

$10,000

_**--**_$5,000_**--**_

$2,000

$1,000

$0

Jeff told Steven, "Pick another subject so we can double that money again."

Once again, the remaining categories replaced the earnings tower on the larger projection screen:

**_-- -- -- --_**

**_-- -- -- --_**

_2nd Grade __**U.S. History**_

**_-- -- -- --_**

_3rd Grade __**Literature**_

_3rd Grade __**Math**_

_4th Grade __**U.S. Geography**_

_4th Grade __**Vocabulary**_

_5th Grade __**Music**_

_5th Grade __**World History**_

Steven originally thought about finishing off the lower two grades on the board. However, he even surprised himself with his next choice…

"Let's go," Steven called out, "with 5th Grade Music'!"

Gasps of shock echoed through the entire building.

As Jeff struggled to maintain his composure, he scolded Steven by asking, "What the heck possessed you to pick _**that**_ subject at _**this**_ stage of the game?"

"Hey!" Steven pointed to Bonnie, "If she's got all this musical training, this ought to be a _cinch_ for her. That is, _**IF**_ I need her help!"

This drew a rueful glare from Bonnie.

"Good point." Jeff reasoned as his tone softened. "You _**do**_ have all three 'Cheats' left." He pointed to the smaller projection screen which displayed the three 'Cheats':

'_**Peek'**_

'_**Copy'**_

'_**Save'**_

"Here," Jeff continued, "is your $10,000 question…

"…_What note takes its name from its placement_

_on the line between the treble and bass clefs?"_

Bonnie gave a smug look as she wrote down her answer and pressed the 'lock-in' button.

"She's 'locked in' her answer, Steven," Jeff acknowledged, "so what's yours?"

"Let's see…" Steven pondered, "…if it's between the two, it probably has name designating it as a middle note. The only one that comes to mind is…'Middle C'. I'm locking that in!"

Steven confirmed his selection by pressing the button on his podium.

As he had done once before, Jeff strolled over to the other students at their desks.

"So," Jeff asked the students, "having fun yet?"

"Sure," said Josh, as he gave a 'thumbs-up' sign.

Tara simply blushed at the question.

"This rocks, Jeff!" an enthusiastic Kim replied.

Ron shouted, "I haven't got an _'F'_ yet. _**BOO-Yeah!!**_"

While the crowd softly chuckled, the entire 'class' began cheering at Ron's revelation.

"All right, then…" Jeff said, "…let's see what all of you wrote…

"All of you said 'Middle C'…except _you_, Ron. _**'Hi-C'?**_"

"Heh-hee," Ron fumbled as he pulled on his collar, "it doesn't count anyway…and I'm starting to get a little _thirsty_…so I thought of the fruit punch!"

As the audience finally got the joke and began laughing, Kim nodded in agreement.

"It _**is**_ starting to get a little warm in here with all these lights around us." she added.

Jeff nodded and said, "You know what? You two are right!" He turned to a production assistant who stood 'off-camera'.

"Stephanie," he asked the assistant, "could you _please _go to the refrigerator in my dressing room and get some of those bottles of water for us?"

Because of the tight dimensions of the concert hall, the 'dressing room'' was located just off stage. Within sixty seconds, the assistant began handing chilled bottles of 'Jeff the Redneck®' Spring Water to all five students, Steven, and Jeff. He thanked her as she left the stage in a flurry of applause.

Jeff took a drink form his bottle, sauntered back to the podiums, and turned to the brunette at the front.

"Bonnie," Jeff wondered, "let's see how _you_ answered this…"

Her response took the place of the question on the larger screen…

…"_It's 'Middle C', you __**losers!**__"_

The laughter and good-natured applause in the audience turned into low murmurs and a few scowls in Bonnie's direction.

Jeff tried to take the response, and its backlash, in stride.

"Well," he said, "you're _half_ right…except Steven's not a loser _yet_. He's got _**$10,000!!**_"

The crowd began to cheer as the earnings tower reflected the change in Steven's progress.

"And with that last question," Jeff continued, "it's time for Bonnie to return to the class."

While most members of the audience were stoically silent, a few people politely clapped as Bonnie returned to her desk.

"Steven," Jeff drawled, "you know what time it is…pick another 'classmate'."

Steven looked at the three remaining students and pondered his choice for a moment.

He finally said, "This time, I pick Josh."

"Josh," Jeff called out, "come on up here!"

Those in attendance resumed their thunderous applause as Josh rose from his desk. He calmly picked up his bottle of 'Jeff the Redneck®' Spring Water and walked toward the podiums. He paused long enough to politely shake Steven's hand before going to the podium used by his fellow 'classmates'.

Jeff read from his card once again. "Josh," he inquired, "it says here that you are into painting and Renaissance history. That's pretty lofty for a fifth-grader."

"I understand that," Josh said with a voice of quiet confidence, "but my mother introduced me early to the works of Michelangelo, Shakespeare, and da Vinci. It was quite an interesting period, indeed."

"Can't argue with that," Jeff admitted, "but what is your favorite painting style?"

"Oh," Josh replied, "I am mostly into 'still life' art right now, but I _**did**_ draw that sketch you used earlier in the show."

"_Really?_" Jeff was slightly stunned as he tried to remember where he saw such a sketch. "When was _**this?**_"

Josh smiled toward Steven and said, "For his '5th grade picture'. Did I capture your likeness well, sir? I even drew the lettering on the red bar across the front of it."

The 'Classified' picture once again took over the main projection screen.

The audience applauded in appreciation of the prodigy's work as Steven leaned close to the boy.

"Son," Steven grinned, "you did a great job!"

Josh replied, "Thank you, sir…and I was told to tell you that…_'**Midnight Sun** is shining on you.' _…whatever _**that**_ means!"

"That's on a 'need to know' basis, kid," Steven muttered, "but thanks for the message."

At that moment, Steven's mind told him to look at the far left corner of the audience. His attention was focused on a woman with short black hair, wearing a pair of stone-washed jeans, a tight-fitting 'Jeff the Redneck®' T-Shirt, and dark sunglasses. She pulled down the sunglasses long enough to wink at Steven with her un-patched eye.

Steven's pulse once again began to quicken as Jeff tried to return focus to the situation at hand.

"Alright, Steven," Jeff mentioned with a serious look, "not only is this question worth $25,000, it comes at a crucial point in the game. If you get this one right, you _can't_ leave here with anything _less_ than that!

"No _pressure_ or anything, but pick a category for the 25 grand!"

Once again, Steven factored in the interests of his 'classmate' before making his decision.

"I know I might ruffle a few more feathers with this," he said, "but I've got a good feeling about '5th Grade World History', Jeff."

"Wow!" Jeff was taken aback. "You're tackling _**both**_ 5th grade questions…and you're not even half-way home!" He sighed, "Very well, Steven. For $25,000…_**here**_ is your '5th Grade World History' question…

"…_Of the three children of King Henry VIII to_

_rule England, who was the only son?"_

Josh gave a warm smile as he wrote down and pressed the podium button.

Jeff said, "Josh wrote down his answer rather quickly. Do you know this one, Steven?"

For the first time all night, Steven Barkin was stumped. His worried look, however was soon replaced by a sly grin.

"Jeff," Steven reasoned, "I may not know everything about Henry VIII, but I know his reign was during the Renaissance period. I am confident Josh will know this, so I am going to 'Copy' his paper."

"You realize," Jeff warned Steven, "that you would be _forced_ to 'lock in' whatever answer he has, right?"

Steven remained silent as he pressed the button on his podium.

"I guess you _do_ realize that!" Jeff observed. The cheers of the audience seemed to back Steven's decision. Jeff walked over to Josh's podium and glanced at what was written on the electronic tablet.

"Wanna see what he wrote, Steven?" Jeff teased.

Steven's face grew serious as he replied, "Of _course_, I do!"

"Well," Jeff grinned, "we will _all_ find out what Josh wrote…_**right after this!**_"

A mixture of groans and applause wafted through the building as the taped music played…

_Are you smarter than a fifth grader? _

_'Cause there's gonna be a test later…_

_**-- -- -- -- -- --**_

_**Author's ending notes:**_

**1) If you know me, you should have **_**known**_** this 'cliff-hanger' was coming! **Maybe I am starting to become predictable in my unpredictability. I might have to work on that.

**2)** For those who did not review my last chapter (and why _**not**_, by the way??) and received my reply (which contained this tidbit), I have also released _**another**_ story this weekend. It is a Christmas story wrapped around a parody of the 'Mighty Morphin Power Rangers' theme song. After reading _'Mighty Morphin Power Reindeer'_, you may never look at the North Pole the same way again!

**3) **Once again, I am giving a 'shout-out' for a work I am 'beta-reading'. It is 'When Heroes Fall', by another friend of mine, _**snapbang**_.

**Folks, if you want a dark, serious story to provide balance to the 'lighter side' provided here, give it a try!**

**One thing about 'When Heroes Fall', though…_It is rated 'T' for obvious violence._ You might want to use discretion before letting those _younger_ than a 'fifth grader' read it.**

**4)** The production of this story, like that for any work of fiction, is solely dependent upon the _constructive_ feedback of its readers. If you like it, I will gladly make more. If you think of ways to make it better, I am always open to suggestions. If you really think it's a piece of garbage, stop me before I strike again!! Once again, _**Review me, e-mail me if you wanna reach me! If you want to 'PM' me, that's ok!**_

Your friend in writing,

The Samurai Crunchbird


	4. The Defense of Fort McHenry

_**My disclaimer for the entire **__**So The Reality**__** series:**_

I know Disney owns "Kim Possible"...lock, stock, and Rufus.

Before I get done, I will probably tick off a few more studios, too.

If they want to sue me, they have to get behind all my other creditors.

Since I am in south Florida, the line has formed to the right

…and goes all the way to Sacramento!

""""""""""

_**Opening notes:**_

**1) I want to thank each of you for your Chapter 3 reviews. **Props go out to _**Mr. Average **_(welcome to the party), _**JAKT **_(welcome back--I missed you both), _**CajunBear73**_, _**karenstern05**_, _**King in Yellow**_, **_lxk_**, and _**Comet Moon**_.

**A couple of people even reviewed 'Mighty Morphin Power Reindeer'.** Since it _**was**_ a 'one-shot', I cannot thank them there. Thanks go out toward two newcomers to my work, **_yellow power _**and **_GinaStar _**(again, I welcome you both to the party), as well as a long-time loyal reviewer, **_FireStorm2k7_**.

**I direct my deepest and most sincere bows to those who were brave enough to review _both stories!!_** These daring souls include **_Darkon Shadows_**, **_Captain IT_**, and **_Ran Hakubi_**.

Thank you, one and all!

**2)** Once again, I am giving a 'shout-out' for a work I am 'beta-reading'. It is 'When Heroes Fall', by another friend of mine, _**snapbang**_.

Folks, if you want a dark, serious story to provide balance to the 'lighter side' provided here, give it a try…_**after**_ _**you finish this chapter, OK??**_

One thing about 'When Heroes Fall', though…_**It is rated 'T' for obvious violence.**_ You might want to use discretion before letting those _**younger**_ than a 'fifth grader' read it.

**3)** As far as I know, these questions are 'grade appropriate' for their respective categories. _**I did not intentionally steal any questions from the show!! **_In a few instances, I wrote different questions on the same subjects as those that aired.

**Please do not chastise me about question placement (if what you think should be a '4****th**** grade' question is presented as '3****rd**** grade', if you think a 'Science' question should be 'Animal Science', etc.).** I have also tried to verify the accuracy of each answer with at least three different sources (_**available upon PM request**_).

**4) **As a reminder, this story takes place a little more than six years _**before**_ the rest of the 'StR' timeline so far. The reason for this 'time shift' became obvious in the first chapter.

**5) **No matter what I put here, it's still up to you, the loyal reader, to let me know what you want. _**Review me, e-mail me if you wanna reach me! If you want to 'PM' me, that's ok!**_ (Sorry…got carried away there, but you get the idea.) Enjoy!

_**-- -- -- -- -- --**_

'_**So the Reality: Fifth Grader' (Question Segment Three)**_

_Are you smarter than a fifth grader? _

_'Cause there's gonna be a test later…_

"Welcome back," Jeff hollered over the applause, "to 'Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?

"Before the break, Steven Barkin risked his $10,000 for a shot at $25,000 with this '5th Grade World History' question…

"…_Of the three children of King Henry VIII to_

_rule England, who was the only son?_

"Not knowing the answer himself, Steven has used his 'Copy' cheat to pin his hopes squarely on the shoulders of an eleven-year-old boy named Josh."

Jeff turned to the previously-mentioned Josh.

"No _pressure_, though…right, Josh?" he asked.

Nervous laughter flowed through the audience.

Josh stood with a peaceful smile on his face as he took a drink of from his bottle of 'Jeff the Redneck®' Spring Water. His voice was calm and serene when he turned toward Jeff and Steven.

"Sir," he replied, "He was right about the reign of Henry VIII taking place during the Renaissance period. I am quite certain of my answer."

"Well, then…" Jeff continued as he looked at his card, "…the correct answer is Edward VI.

"Because of the way the question was written, the judges are now saying they will also accept 'Edward Tudor' or simply 'Edward'.

"Steven, for $25,000…let's see what Josh has on his screen."

After a dramatic pause, the question disappeared from the projection screen, only to be replaced by the answer Jeff shouted…

"…_**Edward VI!! You have $25,000!**_"

Every square foot of space in the Boettcher Concert Hall erupted in loud, thunderous applause. In fact, most of the crowd faced Josh and gave him a standing ovation! All Josh could do was blush and smile with deep appreciation.

Steven joined the applause as he watched his place on the earnings tower rise one notch higher:

_**$1,000,000**_

$500,000

$300,000

$175,000

$100,000

$50,000

_**--$25,000--**_

$10,000

$5,000

$2,000

$1,000

$0

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-WEE!" screamed Jeff as the applause began to fade. "Lady Luck is certainly smiling on _**you**_ tonight, Steven!"

"Yeah," Steven nervously chucked, "I guess so."

'_Whew!'_ he thought. _'I can't believe a little kid had to bail me out like that!'_

"Like I said before," Jeff went on, "you can't leave with anything less than $25,000 from here on out. That makes this next question kinda like a 'free shot', but you can still double your money with a right answer. Pick another subject."

The earnings tower was replaced by the list of remaining categories:

**_-- -- -- --_**

**_-- -- -- --_**

_2nd Grade __**U.S. History**_

_**-- -- -- --**_

_3rd Grade __**Literature**_

_3rd Grade __**Math**_

_4th Grade __**U.S. Geography**_

_4th Grade __**Vocabulary**_

**_-- -- -- --_**

**_-- -- -- --_**

Steven figured he should choose one of his weaker subjects, since it was, as Jeff put it, a 'free shot'…

He said, "I'll take 3rd Grade Literature."

Jeff nodded as he looked toward the large projection screen.

"Here," he proceeded, "is your $50,000 question…

"…_Which annual award is given to 'the author_

_of the most distinguished contribution_

_to American literature for children'?_

_**A. **The Newberry Award_

_**B. **The Peabody Award_

_**C. **The Jefferson Award"_

Josh thought for a moment before writing down his response and pressing the 'lock-in' button.

"Well, Steven," Jeff reasoned, "at least it's multiple-choice. What do _**you**_ say?"

Steven responded, "I remember reading a lot of books when I was a kid. A lot of them had pictures of either the Newberry or Caldecott Medals on the cover…so I'd say it's _'**A. **The Newberry Award'_." He quickly pressed the podium button to finalize his response.

Once again, Jeff walked over to the married couple from Pawnee City in the front row.

"So…" he asked them, "…do you _**still**_ think Steven can win it all?"

"Yep!" the couple said in unison.

"Ji—" the husband began, but stopped a split second later.

"Jinx!" the wife called out. "That's another soda-pop!"

"Hold it!" Jeff snapped as he turned squarely toward the husband. "You _**let**_ her win that one!"

"I _**know**_." the husband said with a smile as he held his wife's hand. "It's the secret to our strong marriage…let her win a few battles now and then."

The women in the audience applauded loudly. The men in the audience laughed nervously, which made the women applaud with greater volume. Even Jeff had to nod and laugh at that profound statement. He rose to his feet and walked back toward the podiums.

"Speaking of winning," Jeff smiled at Steven, "You've just won _**$50,000!!**_"

At this turn of events, both genders returned to loud applause.

"Once more," Jeff reminded Steven, "we have to say 'goodbye' to a student. How about a big round of applause for _**Josh.**_"

Josh mouthed a 'thank you' toward the audience as he heard their praise of his efforts. Soon, he was back at his desk.

"Steven," Jeff observed, "you have an important choice to make. Which 'classmate' do you think could earn you some more money…Kim or Ron?"

A revelation swept across Ron's face. He whispered a few words to Kim, who giggled and nodded in agreement. Soon, they both leaned toward Steven. Their hands were waving back and forth in synchronized motion, similar to windshield wipers on a car.

Of course, Ron _did_ experience an additional benefit, as Kim's strawberry-scented hair just _happened_ to brush across his face. To a cynical eye, it would have seemed like _this_ was Ron's plan all along. The audience, however, was too busy shouting their 'classmate' preferences to Steven.

To Steven's credit, he did not make a rash decision here. He took his time and weighed his options…

'_If nothing else, I could do a lot with $175,000 from two more questions…'_ he figured, _'…even __**if**__ that means I lose out on the bigger money. I'm sure there would be no great shame or embarrassment if I 'drop out' at __**that**__ point!'_

…If only he paid attention earlier…

"Jeff," Steven finally stated, "I choose Kim."

"Kim," Jeff called out, "it's your turn. Come on up here!"

Kim stood on her chair and raised her arms high above her head as the audience began their applause. The cheering grew louder as she performed a flawless handspring off of her desk. She followed that move with several flips and somersaults as she approached the podiums.

She stopped in front of Steven to briefly shake his hand before turning her back to her own podium. With two perfect back-flips and another handspring, she neatly stuck the landing behind her podium.

Jeff was flabbergasted at this second display of acrobatics from this red-headed pre-teen. As the audience gave their second 'standing ovation' of the night, Jeff struggled to find the right card with Kim's information.

"Kim," Jeff read from that card, "it says here that in addition to your gymnastics skills, you have learned nearly a _**dozen**_ forms of martial arts?"

"That's right," Kim laughed, "I have earned my blue belt in two forms, my brown belt in three other forms, and my black belt in five more…and I'm always trying to learn new disciplines."

Jeff was curious now. "What got you interested in _**that?**_"

This made Kim fidget and slightly blush again, her voice becoming a little sheepish as she replied.

"Well," she began, "my _**dad**_ actually encouraged me to start…he said I would need to defend myself against _boys_ when I grow up!"

The laughter from the audience only caused her embarrassment to grow. Jeff sensed this and quickly changed the subject.

"How about we double that money, Steven?" he suggested. "Pick another subject."

Steven studied the remaining choices carefully.

"Let's take '2nd Grade U.S. History', Jeff." Steven decided.

"Okay, Steven," Jeff motioned toward the large projection screen, "here is your $100,000 question…

"_During the War of 1812,_

_Francis Scott Key wrote_

'_The Defense of Fort McHenry',_

_whose words were used to create_

_what patriotic song?"_

Kim frowned a little bit and pondered the question for a moment.

As she was thinking about how to answer, Steven easily recognized the poem, its author, and the only logical answer.

After a few more seconds, Kim wrote an answer on her tablet and pressed the button on her podium.

"Steven," Jeff observed, "even though Kim has locked in her response, you seem to know it already."

Steven cracked a smile as he nodded.

He explained, "There is no _**way**_ my buddies still in Iraq would _**ever**_ let me live it down if I got _this_ wrong! It's 'The Star Spangled Banner', Jeff."

With a little more force and emphasis than necessary, Steven slammed his hand on the podium's button.

An evil look swept across Jeff's face as he pointed toward the main projection screen again.

"They won't let you live it down, you say?" Jeff called out. "Well, let's just find out for _**ourselves!**_"

Suddenly, the question was replaced by a live video feed. Over two dozen men and women in 'desert combat fatigues' graced the screen, whooping and hollering while holding a sign that read, 'Good Luck, Lieutenant!'

The third 'standing ovation' came from the audience, this time lasting twice as long as the previous two combined.

"That's right, Steven!" Jeff informed him. "Thanks to our friends at Wade Communications, we have those buddies joining us from an undisclosed location near Baghdad…

"Hey, everybody," Jeff called out, "did you see the question just before we started showing your video feed?"

One Marine, a gunnery sergeant, snapped to attention. She shouted, "SIR, YES _**SIR**__…_AND THANK YOU FOR THOSE CASES OF 'JEFF THE REDNECK®' BEEF JERKY, _**SIR!**_"

As the audience laughed, Steven looked directly at the image and ordered, "As you were, Gunny!"

The Marine immediately rejoined the rest of the group.

'_Wow,'_ Kim thought, _'no delay at __**all**__, unlike what happened when Lil MC Honey accepted her Yammy award from her concert in Japan. I wonder how well Wade Communications can put together a web page for my baby-sitting service…'_

Jeff turned to Steven and said, "They won't have to razz you about this…_because you've just won **a hundred grand!!!**_"

Cheers went up from both the crowd in the building and the group on the screen.

Jeff's attention was turned back toward the projection screen.

"Thank you all," he said, "for serving your country and for joining us today."

Steven raised his fist and shouted, "Semper Fi, Marines!"

"SEMPER FI, _**SIR!**_" came the response from the group in unison as the transmission was ended.

As calm was beginning to be restored, Jeff turned to the camera and said, "Steven Barkin goes for _**$175,000**_ when we get back!"

The taped music played once again…

_Are you smarter than a fifth grader? _

_'Cause there's gonna be a test later…_

_**-- -- -- -- -- --**_

_**Author's ending notes:**_

**1) **Like I said last time, maybe I am starting to become predictable in my unpredictability. I figured one way to work on that was to skip the cliffhanger this time.

**2) **The production of this story, like that for any work of fiction, is solely dependent upon the _constructive_ feedback of its readers. If you like it, I will gladly make more. If you think of ways to make it better, I am always open to suggestions. If you really think it's a piece of garbage, stop me before I strike again!! Once again, _**Review me, e-mail me if you wanna reach me! If you want to 'PM' me, that's ok!**_

Your friend in writing,

The Samurai Crunchbird


	5. CONMUTAZ?

_**My disclaimer for the entire **__**So The Reality**__** series:**_

I know Disney owns "Kim Possible"...lock, stock, and Rufus.

Before I get done, I will probably tick off a few more studios, too.

If they want to sue me, they have to get behind all my other creditors.

Since I am in south Florida, the line has formed to the right

…and goes all the way to Sacramento!

""""""""""

_**Opening notes:**_

**1) **_**Thank you for sticking with my story!! **_I especially appreciate the Chaper 4 reviews of _**Darkon Shadows**_, _**karenstern05**_, _**Ran Hakubi**_, **_CajunBear73_**, **_JAKT_**, _**FireStorm2K7**_, **_lxk_**, **_King in Yellow_**, _**Captain IT**_, and _**Comet Moon**_. Thank you, once again, to one and all.

**I wish all of you a Merry Christmas and a happy and safe holiday season.**

For those who think I am holding off on releasing the next chapter, _**think again!**_ This will probably be the last chance I will have uninterruped writing time for a few weeks. I will take this time to create as much of a buffer as I can.

With this in mind, I am beginning to write my 'Grand Finale'. It will be the 'Trial of the Century'...bigger than OJ, MJ, or any other 'J' you can imagine.

Just one issue...I can't decide who could be a big enough judge to preside over the 'festivities'? Judge Judy...Judge Hatchett...Judge Joe Brown...or (for those who 'kick it old school') Judge Wapner?

If you review this chapter (_**and why not, BTW?**_), let me now in the review or a PM which one you think should make a ruling on this.

NO...this will NOT be 'Divorce Court' or anything like that!! Even _**I**_ am not _that_ evil!

**2)** Once again, I am giving a 'shout-out' for a work I am 'beta-reading'. It is 'When Heroes Fall', by another friend of mine, _**snapbang**_.

Folks, if you want a dark, serious story to provide balance to the 'lighter side' provided here, give it a try…_**after**_ _**you finish this chapter, OK??**_

One thing about 'When Heroes Fall', though…_**It is rated 'T' for obvious violence.**_ You might want to use discretion before letting those _**younger**_ than a 'fifth grader' read it.

**3)** As far as I know, these questions are 'grade appropriate' for their respective categories. _**I did not intentionally steal any questions from the show!! **_In a few instances, I wrote different questions on the same subjects as those that aired.

**Please do not chastise me about question placement (if what you think should be a '4****th**** grade' question is presented as '3****rd**** grade', if you think a 'Science' question should be 'Animal Science', etc.).** I have also tried to verify the accuracy of each answer with at least three different sources (_**available upon PM request**_).

**4) **As a reminder, this story takes place a little more than six years _**before**_ the rest of the 'StR' timeline so far. The reason for this 'time shift' became obvious in the first chapter.

**_King in Yellow_** brought up two interesting points. He said the timing would not have put U.S. troops in Iraq, and Wade would have been only 5 or 6 years old at this point. Even though he thought I 'painted myself into a corner' with these details, I counter with the following...

Since the troops in this story were in 'an undisclosed location', they could very well have been part of the 'mopping up' efforts. Remember, Clinton (yes, Clinton) bombed Iraq around that time period to divert attention away from his impeachment issues.

Also, a group of U.S. troops were part of the U.N. 'peacekeeping' forces that remained in Iraq after 'Desert Storm' all the way up to the current U.S. occupation. Marines could very well have been used for this kind of activity.

As far as Wade...well, by the time we meet him in the first season, he has already earned at least a few bachelor degrees—maybe even a doctorate. He could have easily earned his first one in communications. With the proper guidance of a financial-savvy parent, it is very...well...possible for Wade Communications to have been formed by then.

Still, I thank KiY for trying to 'keep me honest'. If only somebody could do that with these presidential candidates...

**5) **No matter what I put here, it's still up to you, the loyal reader, to let me know what you want. _**Review me, e-mail me if you wanna reach me! If you want to 'PM' me, that's ok!**_ (Sorry…got carried away there, but you get the idea.) Enjoy!

_**-- -- -- -- -- --**_

'_**So the Reality: Fifth Grader' (Question Segment Four)**_

_Are you smarter than a fifth grader? _

_'Cause there's gonna be a test later…_

"Welcome back," Jeff hollered over the applause, "to 'Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?

"In case you've just joined us, Steven Barkin has won $100,000 so far, which is probably more than three years' salary at his new job as a high-school teacher."

This drew yet another round of laughter from those in attendance at Denver's Boettcher Concert Hall, including a pained chuckle from Steven himself.

"Now," he continued, "he is going for $175,000 and he is joined by Kim, who has _**got**_ to be one of the most super-charged bundles of energy I have ever seen!

"I swear, Kim, they should hook you up to the power grid or something. You could light up the Denver metroplex for _**weeks!**_"

As the audience roared again, Kim smiled and slightly blushed.

Although Ron couldn't be heard amongst all the laughter, he mustered up his best 'serious face' and shouted, "_**LEAVE MY KP ALONE!!**_"

'_Oh, NO!'_ Ron trembled in thought. _'Did I actually say '__**MY**__** KP**__'? I hope that doesn't get back to Kim. She would __**kill**__ me!'_

Thankfully, Kim only saw that Ron was upset at Jeff's comments. It was only after she gave Ron a 'thumbs-up' sign that he resumed his 'happy-go-lucky' demeanor.

Once the noise subsided, Jeff turned back to the aforementioned contestant.

"Steven," Jeff ordered, "pick your next subject as we march toward the million!"

Steven Barkin studied the remaining categories for another moment:

_**-- -- -- --**_

_**-- -- -- --**_

_**-- -- -- --**_

_**-- -- -- --**_

_**-- -- -- --**_

_3rd Grade __**Math**_

_4th Grade __**U.S. Geography**_

_4th Grade __**Vocabulary**_

_**-- -- -- --**_

_**-- -- -- --**_

Suddenly, the enormity of the situation hit him like the force of a cruise missle…

'_Here I am,'_ he realized in thought, _'just four questions away from __**one million dollars!**__ I could __**finally**__ tell that orange-tied freak at Smarty Mart what he can do with that stupid vest and name tag!'_

A look of horror swept across his face as he realized the _other_ half of his dilemma:

'_**Cheese and crackers!**__'_ his mind exclaimed. _'I only have one question left with Little Miss Hyper…and then I __**have**__ to take The Pants-less Wonder!'_

Steven finally decided to choose his weakest subject, hoping to make it past the other questions without any help at all…

"3rd Grade Math." Steven finally chose.

"Here it is," Jeff pointed to the large projection screen, "for $175,000…

"…_In the mixed number 3½, what digit is the numerator?"_

Steven thought about it for a long time. He was shaken from his deep contemplation when Kim pressed her podium button.

Jeff declared, "Kim has locked in her answer, Steven. My advice to you is…don't answer too quickly! Remember, you still have those two 'cheats' available…the 'Peek' and the 'Save'."

"I agree, Jeff." Steve warily said. "I am almost certain of the answer. Still, it is a mighty big difference between being right and wrong. I'm using my 'Peek' now."

Once he pressed the 'lock-in' button, the podium's lighting changed to a yellow glow instead of the usual red hue.

Jeff nodded toward Steven and said, "You gotta do what you gotta do, my friend. Here's what Kim wrote…"

All eyes turned to the smaller projection screen above the desks as it revealed…

"_The answer is '1'._

_The whole number is '3';_

'_1' is the numerator;_

_and '2' is the denominator."_

"_**Daaaaaaang!**_" Jeff drawled. "You even _**write**_ fast, Kim!"

"No big!" Kim shrugged. "It's not like I had to break four boards at once—**_again!_** I didn't even chip a _**nail**_ with _this_ sitch."

Jeff was taken aback by Kim's calm demeanor when describing such destruction. Thinking better than pursuing _that_ concept any further, he turned to Steven and asked, "Does this answer help you any?"

Steven's clouded mind suddenly cleared as he read Kim's full explanation on the screen.

With a rejuvenated smile, he replied, "You better believe it, Jeff! I'm going with '1' and I'm _**locking it in!!**_"

He once again slammed his hand on the podium button. The podium's lighting changed from the eerie yellow color to its familiar red glow.

Jeff strolled back over to the other students and looked at electronic screen on each of their desks. As he got to Ron's desk, he just froze in place and shook his head

"Well, folks," he observed, "we have a mixed bag here…a _**really**_ mixed bag! I'm sorry kids, but I _**have**_ to show this..."

Kim's answer was replaced by the responses of the other four students…

…Tara wrote, "2"…

…Josh wrote, "3"…

…Bonnie wrote, "It's '1'. _**DUH!!**_"…

…and Ron wrote, "Rufus!"

Despite the scornful glare Kim's brilliant emerald eyes gave them, the audience couldn't help but laugh at her best friend. This prompted Jeff to sit at Kim's usual desk and face the blond-haired boy.

"So, Ron…buddy…" Jeff began, "…you _do_ know this was a math question, right? You know…involving _**numbers?**_ So who or _what_ is Rufus?"

Ron rubbed the back of his neck and weakly chuckled.

"Rufus," he replied, "is…my imaginary friend!"

More laughter drifted through the crowd as Jeff was attempting to grasp the concept.

"You're in the fifth grade," Jeff tried to reason, "and you still have an imaginary friend?"

Ron countered, "Yeah...heh-heh! I guess you can already tell I don't have too many real friends…" he looked toward the red-haired dynamo at the podium, "…but Kim's my best bud in the whole world."

"So," Jeff continued, "you think she's got the right answer?"

Ron beamed, "My man, she can do anything!"

Jeff cocked an eyebrow at this declaration. "_**Anything?**_ That sounds a little braggy, don't you think?

Ron's smile grew even wider as he shot back, "It ain't braggy if you can back it up."

"Like breaking those four boards, right?"

"I was there…Kim didn't break _four boards_ with one hit!"

Jeff smirked as he said, "I didn't think so."

"I was counting them while they were being stacked, dude. She's being modest. It was _**six**_ boards! _YOU HURRICANE __**ROCK**__, KP!!!_"

Kim gave Ron a sweet smile as the crowd shifted from laughing at Ron to cheering for his BFF.

Jeff rose from the desk and walked back toward the podiums.

"Steven, I don't know how a _**hurricane**_ can rock," he tried to reason, "but this girl can sure back up Ron's talk. _**You've got $175,000!!**_"

The crowd's roars of applause again shook the rafters of the concert hall as the earnings tower returned to the smaller projection screen:

_**$1,000,000**_

$500,000

$300,000

_**--**_$175,000_**--**_

$100,000

$50,000

_**$25,000**_

$10,000

$5,000

$2,000

$1,000

$0

Jeff continued, "Kim, you've done a great job, but now you have to return to the class. One more time for _**Kim**_, everybody!"

As the audience applauded, Kim respectfully bowed to Jeff and Steven. She then stepped away from the podium and raised her arms. After another flurry of back-flips, she somersaulted twice in the air before she stuck a perfect landing beside her desk. She exchanged a 'high-five' with Ron before she sat back down in her chair.

While Kim was displaying her gymnastic prowess, Jeff was busy giving instructions to Stephanie, the production assistant. She quickly exited the stage area as Jeff turned back to the camera to stall for some time.

"Well, Steven," Jeff inquired, "Are you having fun yet?"

"Oh, sure." Steven responded in awe of winning so much money. "I'm feeling just peachy."

Jeff continued, "$175,000 can pay a lot of bills, right?"

"Yeah," said Steven with a straight face, "and after taxes and all my student loans, I may even have enough to buy you a cup of coffee!"

This completely floored Jeff, as well as everyone within earshot of the former Marine's comments.

"A 'leather-neck' with a sense of humor." Jeff commented as he shook his head and looked toward the ceiling. "Lord, you can take me up to join Elvis now, 'cause I have seen _**everything!**_"

Thankfully, Stephanie managed to return with a small bag. She handed it to Jeff before resuming her 'off-stage' position

"Ron," Jeff said as he walked toward the boy's desk, "before you get up to join us at the podium, I got you a little present for being such a good sport earlier."

Jeff reached into the bag and pulled out a set of 'Jeff the Redneck®' suspenders.

"After you put these on, come join us at the podium."

Ron followed Jeff's instructions as best he could. Still, his right index finger managed to get pinched in one of the metal clasps. The impact caused Ron to momentarily wince with pain before he put on his bravest face and walked to the podium.

The pain was only magnified when Steven's nervous handshake nearly crushed the boy's hand. It caused Ron's face to contort into a look normally reserved for a circus 'freak show' performer.

That look even repulsed a seasoned veteran like Steven.

'_As God is my witness,'_ Steven resolved in thought, _'I hope I __**never**__ have to see that look again as long as I live!'_

Jeff once again read from a card. "We've already found out about your imaginary friend," he said, "but it also says you are _**culinary**_ expert?"

"Oh," Ron replied as he pulled a piece of paper and a blue ribbon out of his pocket, "I don't know about that being one of _**those**_ thingies, but I _have_ been certified as a master chef."

Before Jeff could explain 'culinary' to Ron, the boy handed both items to him. It was a 'Certificate of Excellence' and a 'First Prize' ribbon from the Middleton Cooking Institute.

Jeff stared at these awards and uttered, "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!"

"_**MONKEYS??**_" Ron screamed as he his behind the podium. "_**WHERE?**_"

Jeff was bewildered by this turn of events until he read the last line of the card.

"Oh," Jeff sheepishly chuckled, "that's right…'deathly afraid of monkeys'. Sorry about that, Ron. It's just a figure of speech."

Ron peeked over the podium and squeaked, "No monkeys?"

Steven rolled his eyes as Jeff reassured the boy, "Nope. No monkeys here!"

Jeff returned the certificate and ribbon to Ron before focusing his attention on Steven. The main projection screen displayed the two remaining categories.

Jeff called out to Steven, "Choose your next subject as we go for 300 grand!"

Steven didn't waste any time as he said, "I'm taking '4th Grade U.S. Geography', Jeff!"

Jeff pointed to the screen and stated, "here is your '4th Grade U.S. Geography' question worth $300,000…

"…_The Four Corners Monument designates_

_the one point where the borders_

_of four states intersect._

_Name those states."_

The pain in Ron's hand was beginning to subside. Still, it was difficult for him to write his response. After a little while, he used his left hand to press the button on the podium.

Steven smiled like the Cheshire Cat once he finished reading the question.

Jeff advised Steven, "Like I said before, don't answer too quickly. This is for $300,000 and a shot at half a million bucks!"

"That's okay." Steven reassured Jeff. "I definitely know this one, because I've been there. The states are Utah…Colorado…Arizona…and New Mexico!"

Steven once again slammed his hand on the button of his podium. The raised area surrounding the button was dented by the impact this time.

Jeff, partially to seek refuge from Steven's massive button-bashing, handshake-crunching mitts, walked back over to the married couple in the front row.

Jeff glanced at another card. "The two of you," he read, "drove all the way from Pawnee City, Nebraska to see the show?"

"That's right." the wife said.

"Straight through…540 miles…8 hours…Non-stop!" the husband proclaimed.

Jeff was curious at this point. He asked, "How does one look so happy after such a long trip non-stop?"

The wife chimed in, "Depends."

"Depends on what?"

"No, Jeff." the husband corrected him. "_**Depends®!**_" At that moment, he briefly raised the elastic waistband of the name-brand adult undergarment.

"Please," Jeff cringed, "don't tell me the only reason you drove non-stop was to pull that pun on me!"

"Of course not!" the wife shot back.

"No way." the husband agreed as he pulled a tape out of his pocket. "We have a son who works at a Tampa radio station. He's thinking of taking his act on the road, but he wants you to listen to it first and tell him what you think."

As he took the tape, Jeff said, "I normally don't do this; but since the two of you have been nice enough to let me keep bugging you, I guess it's the least I can do!"

The couple embraced in celebration as they received a polite round of applause from the surrounding audience members.

"Got it _**done!!**_" the husband shouted over the clapping.

The wife chuckled, "And that _**is**_ funny—I don't care _**where**_ you are!"

With the gift of that tape, the world unknowingly witnessed the rise of 'Barry the Satellite Dude**_®_**'.

Jeff stood, walked toward the podiums, and redirected his attention toward Steven.

"As confident as you are about your answer," Jeff reminded him, "I still have to find out what your 'classmate' wrote…"

The screen behind the desks of the students projected…

"_**CONMUTAZ??**_" Jeff asked in utter disbelief.

"Yeah." Ron stated. "Don't you see my dashes in between?"

Jeff looked at the response again. Sure enough, there were small dashes after each pair of letters. This made Ron's answer appear as "CO-NM-UT-AZ".

"Ah," Jeff realized, "_**postal abbreviations!**_ How clever of you!"

"Ayup-yup," Ron chirped, "Momma didn't raise no fool!"

Jeff corrected him. "Don't you mean 'Momma didn't raise _**any**_ fool'?"

Ron coldly shot back, "Figure of speech—just like your '_monkey_' line!"

"You're right, my friend." Jeff admitted. "Just like _Steven_ is right for _**$300,000!!**_"

Still another round of applause erupted from the audience. This time, the woman in the tight 'Jeff the Redneck®' T-shirt and jeans also led the crowd in cheers of "STE-_**VEN!**_ STE-_**VEN!**_ STE-_**VEN!**_ STE-_**VEN!**_"

Steven took a deep breath and soaked up the spectacle of the whole thing. He was jolted out of his thoughts by Jeff's statement of the obvious.

"I guess," Jeff said, "there's only one category left. A correct answer here will give you $500,000. As if _**that's**_ not enough, it would also give you a shot at the 'Million Dollar Question'.

"Listen _**very**_ carefully, Steven. This is your '4th Grade Vocabulary' question, for half a million dollars…

"…_In the name,_

_Rufus Augustus Damascus-Franciscus,_

_what is the 'primary forename'?"_

The pain in Ron's hand grew duller with each passing moment. This made it easier to clearly write down his response. He even used that hand to press the 'lock-in' button.

"Ron has locked in his answer." Jeff said as his evil grin re-emerged. "Steven, we will get _**your**_ answer…_**when we return!**_"

As Steven's fist pounded a dent into another corner of the podium, the audience groaned.

Throughout the latest chaos, the recorded music played:

_Are you smarter than a fifth grader? _

_'Cause there's gonna be a test later…_

_**-- -- -- -- -- --**_

_**Author's ending notes:**_

**1) **Yes, 'Larry the Cable Guy' (real name Daniel Lawrence Whitney) _**was**_ born in Pawnee City, Nebraska…and he _**did**_ catch his 'big break' while working at a Tampa radio station. I thought this was a nice little nod toward the 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour'. I hope you enjoyed it.

I originally thought about carrying this 'running gag' all the way to the end; but, as Shakespeare once wrote, "The play's the thing!" This means I had to focus more on the actual game as the story neared its conclusion…and it _**will**_ conclude with the next chapter!

**2)** BTW, I had already saved the document for this chapter on 12-11-2007. On 12-20-2007, a question similar to Ron's first question was used on the ABC game show, 'Duel'. Again, I have already finished writing this story and the 'COPS' story to follow it. I did not intentially steal this question.

**2) **The production of this story, like that for any work of fiction, is solely dependent upon the _constructive_ feedback of its readers. If you like it, I will gladly make more. If you think of ways to make it better, I am always open to suggestions. If you really think it's a piece of garbage, stop me before I strike again!! Once again, _**Review me, e-mail me if you wanna reach me! If you want to 'PM' me, that's ok!**_

Your friend in writing,

The Samurai Crunchbird


	6. Ron in the Clutch

_**My disclaimer for the entire **__**So The Reality**__** series:**_

I know Disney owns "Kim Possible"...lock, stock, and Rufus.

Before I get done, I will probably tick off a few more studios, too.

If they want to sue me, they have to get behind all my other creditors.

Since I am in south Florida, the line has formed to the right

…and goes all the way to Sacramento!

""""""""""

_**Opening notes:**_

**1) **_**Thank you for staying with this story to the very end!! **_As always, I appreciate the loyal review support of _**Darkon Shadows**_, _**karenstern05**_, _**Ran Hakubi**_, **_CajunBear73_**, **_JAKT_**, _**Captain IT**_, and _**Comet Moon**_.

I want to take a second to especially thank _**lxk**_. I checked my stats for all of the stories I have posted to this point. _**Lxk**_'s contribution was the **_40th review_** of this tale, making it (in terms of chapter/review ratio) my most successful 'So the Reality' story so far!

_**I am so grateful to all of you who have taken the time to read the ramblings of a fool like me!**_

**2)** Once again, I am giving a 'shout-out' for a work I am 'beta-reading'. It is 'When Heroes Fall', by another friend of mine, _**snapbang**_. He is taking a little rest before continuing with this tale, which should give any new readers a chance to catch up to everyone else here. Rest assured…it will be continued…even if I have to prod him with The Sword of the Ancient Mystics to do so.

Folks, if you want a dark, serious story to provide balance to the 'lighter side' provided here, give it a try…_**after**_ _**you finish this chapter, OK??**_

One thing about 'When Heroes Fall', though…_**It is rated 'T' for obvious violence.**_ You might want to use discretion before letting those _**younger**_ than a 'fifth grader' read it.

**3)** As far as I know, these questions are 'grade appropriate' for their respective categories. _**I did not intentionally steal any questions from the show!! **_In a few instances, I wrote different questions on the same subjects as those that aired.

**Please do not chastise me about question placement (if what you think should be a '4****th**** grade' question is presented as '3****rd**** grade', if you think a 'Science' question should be 'Animal Science', etc.).** I have also tried to verify the accuracy of each answer with at least three different sources (_**available upon PM request**_).

**4) **As a reminder, this story takes place a little more than six years _**before**_ the rest of the 'StR' timeline so far. The reason for this 'time shift' became obvious in the first chapter.

**5) **No matter what I put here, it's still up to you, the loyal reader, to let me know what you want. _**Review me, e-mail me if you wanna reach me! If you want to 'PM' me, that's ok!**_ (Sorry…got carried away there, but you get the idea.) Enjoy!

_**-- -- -- -- -- --**_

'_**So the Reality: Fifth Grader' (Final Segment)**_

_Are you smarter than a fifth grader? _

_'Cause there's gonna be a test later…_

"Welcome back," Jeff hollered over the applause, "to 'Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?

"Now, before the break, Steven Barkin was mulling over a vocabulary question that is normally answered by ten-year-old children in the 4th grade."

This drew one more round of laughter from those in attendance at Denver's Boettcher Concert Hall, including a pained chuckle from Steven himself.

"Of course," Jeff continued, "those ten-year-olds don't have $500,000 hanging in the balance, with a chance at a cool million!"

"Our 'classmate', Ron, has already 'locked-in' his answer. For those of you who don't remember the question, here it is once again:

"…_In the name,_

_Rufus Augustus Damascus-Franciscus,_

_what is the 'primary forename'?"_

Jeff turned toward Steven with a serious look on his face.

He said, "Steven, I had already told you not to respond too quickly. Now that we've given you some time, what is your answer?"

"Well," Steven reasoned, "since 'Damascus-Franciscus' is a hyphenated name, I'd say 'Damascus' is the 'primary forename'."

Before Jeff could ask is if the former Marine was sure of his response, Steven pressed the button on his podium.

Jeff paced between the 'teacher's desk' and the podiums for a moment before he took a deep breath and faced the recently-discharged Marine.

"Steven," Jeff lamented, "I hate to tell you this…

_**--**_

_**--**_

...but you're _**wrong!**_"

_**--**_

_**--**_

Thundering silence immediately swept through the building. Jeff could only hang his head in sorrow.

All the color washed away from Steven's face. He literally felt the $275,000 of lost winnings escape his grasp. He had faced numerous tests of courage throughout his life. He had stared down opposing defensive backs, irate shoppers, evil masterminds, enemy fire, and an angry girlfriend capable of killing him 32 different ways where he stood…_**all**_ without flinching.

For the first time in his entire life, Steven Barkin was downright _**scared!**_

Once Jeff raised his head, he gave Steven a look of faint hope.

"It may not be over yet!" he offered. "There's still a chance that _Ron_ can 'Save' you with the right answer."

'_That's just __**great!**__'_ Steven's mind ached in despair. _'This nitwit is a chef who doesn't even know what __**'culinary'**__ is…yet __he__ is supposed to help __me__ on a __**vocabulary**__ question?'_

Jeff turned to the brown-eyed boy and said, "Ron, I know we've teased you a lot today, but I've got to see what you wrote."

On the smaller projection screen above the student desks, one word was displayed:

"_**Rufus!"**_

Jeff rolled his eyes and sighed, "_**How**_ did I know he was going to write that answer?"

At this point, Steven rested his elbows on his podium and held his head in his hands. If the audience didn't know better, they could have sworn they heard a faint sobbing from this behemoth of masculinity.

Jeff looked at his card again to double-check the correct answer before he turned back to Steven.

"Buddy," Jeff began, "I saw Ron's painful expression as you shook hands…"

_**--**_

_**--**_

_**--**_

_**--**_

"…I hope to Heaven you don't _kill_ the boy now…"

_**--**_

_**--**_

_**--**_

_**--**_

"…_**because HE JUST GAVE YOU $500,000!!!"**_

The audience's reaction was deafening. As Steven squeezed Ron in a massive hug, the boy squeaked, "Boo-Yeah!"

While the crowd was once again cheering, "STE-_**VEN!**_ STE-_**VEN!**_ STE-_**VEN!**_ STE-_**VEN!**_", the earnings tower told the whole story of his journey:

_**$1,000,000**_

_**--**_$500,000_**--**_

$300,000

$175,000

$100,000

$50,000

_**$25,000**_

$10,000

$5,000

$2,000

$1,000

$0

As the chaos began to decrease, Steven returned Ron to his podium before exchanging 'high-fives' with audience members in the front row. He even exchanged celebratory hugs with the couple from Pawnee City.

With a look of pride on his face, Jeff turned to the blond-haired boy.

"Ron," he said, "you are a heck of a goofy kid…but you have _**got**_ to be one of the biggest 'clutch performers' I have ever seen! It's time to join your 'classmates'—but not before we hear it _**one more time**_ for the Ron-man!"

Ron ran up and down every aisle of seating, giving 'high-fives' and handshakes with his good hand as he heard cheers of "_**RON! RON! RON! RON!**_"

Kim and Tara met Ron at his desk and began to give him a 'group hug'. Just before the embrace became a potential 'tug-of-war' between the two girls, Josh joined the celebration.

Jeff walked over to the desks and addressed the class.

"Even though we don't have the car kit or laptop computer in stock," he said, "I'd like to express my thanks to all five of you for your contributions. Each of you will receive one of every 'Jeff the Redneck®' product in the merchandise trailer parked outside! That includes one of every tape, every DVD, every article of clothing, every appliance, and every food product we carry!"

"Even the toaster, which browns your image onto each slice?" Ron asked.

"Even the toaster!" Jeff chuckled as Josh shook his hand.

"Score!" Ron shouted as he turned the tables on Kim and Tara, becoming the hugger as opposed to the 'pull toy'. At the same time, but for different reasons for each person, one thought ran through all three minds…

'_**Ultimate**__ Boo-Yeah!'_

"Class," Jeff motioned toward the podiums, "there's still some unfinished business I have to discuss with the big guy over here. **Give it up for our**_** fifth graders!**_"

While the audience gave another standing ovation, Josh, Tara, Ron, and Kim smiled and waved to the crowd as they returned to their assigned seats. Even Bonnie gave a small grin and waved like a beauty queen from the desk she never left.

Once the students were seated, Jeff re-focused his attention to Steven.

"Listen carefully, my friend," he began, "because you have a _**big**_ decision to make. Since you answered all ten questions up to this point, you now have a chance to go for our 'Million Dollar Question'!

"After I tell you the subject, you will have the choice of whether or not to hear the question.

"If you decide not to hear the question, you will 'drop out' of school, and keep your $500,000…

"…If you decide to hear the question, you _**MUST**_ give an answer!

"…If your answer is right, you will win one million dollars.

"…But if you get it wrong, you will 'flunk out' and drop _**all the way down**_ to $25,000!

"Here is the category for your 'Million Dollar Question'…"

Jeff pointed to the large projection screen, which soon displayed…

…"_5__th__ Grade Home Economics"._

"Sadly," Jeff went on, "even if you _**had**_ any 'cheats' left, they could not have been used for this question.

"With all this in mind, do you want to risk $475,000 and go for the million with this subject?"

Almost every person in attendance began shouting their advice to Steven. He ignored all of it as a sly grin crept across his mouth.

"Jeff," he stated, "although Secondary Education & Administration was my major at Colorado State, Home Ec was my minor. I'll take the question!"

Jeff asked, "Are you 'locking-in' that decision?"

Steven smiled and said, "I'm locking it in, Jeff!"

Steven pressed the mangled podium button once more.

Jeff gave the hulking man a quizzical look. "_Home Ec_ was your minor?"

"_**YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?**_" Steven roared.

"No," Jeff answered as he stifled a chuckle, "not at all."

Jeff pointed to the screen once more as he introduced the question.

"Steven Barkin, for one million dollars…

…"_**According to the traditional phrase,**_

_how many yards of fabric_

_did tailors typically use_

_to create a fine suit?"_

Jeff turned to the class once more and said, "Just for grins and giggles, how about all of _**you**_ try to answer this one, too! Once you have finished writing, put down your stylus pens and stand beside your desks.

"It won't _**count**_ as far as the game goes, of course. I'm just curious to see how many _**actual**_ fifth graders can get this question right."

It took a moment for all five students to write an answer. Once finished, they stood beside their desks as instructed. This brought Jeff back to Steven and a response that could forever change the life of the former Marine lieutenant.

"Steven," Jeff solemnly asked, "for one million dollars, _**what**_ is your answer?"

Steven tried to 'talk out' his thought process in order to come to a reasonable answer.

"Well," he began, "an average man is six feet tall, or two yards…factor in another half-yard for extra cloth…double it for sturdiness…that makes five for the front…add five for the back…that makes ten yards total…"

His face was stern as he looked directly at Jeff.

He confidently said, "My answer is ten yards!"

Before Jeff could ask him, Steven pressed the podium button for the last time.

Jeff walked over to the students and looked at their answers.

Doing his best to tastefully make light of the situation, Jeff observed, "I know this is a tough question. If it makes you feel any better, Steven…only _**one**_ of these students got it right! Class, go ahead and sit down now."

After the students returned to their seats, Jeff continued, "I will reveal their answers one by one, saving the correct answer for last…

"…Bonnie wrote 'Who cares?'…"

This drew a few laughs from the crowd, but it did not do much to change their 'prima donna' first impression of the girl.

"…Josh wrote, '6 yards'…"

Josh slightly blushed and slouched in his chair, attempting to hide behind his desk.

"…Kim wrote, '4 yards. 6 feet (2 yards) times 2 sides (front and back) makes 12 feet (or 4 yards).'…"

Kim received a few words of consolation from Ron after discovering she was wrong.

"…and Tara wrote, '8 yards'…"

Tara received comforting pats on the back from Kim, Ron, and Josh. Bonnie just rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time that evening.

The rest of those in attendance collectively gasped at the realization that the brown-eyed boy with the 'Jeff the Redneck®' suspenders was the only student left.

With more than just a hint of pride, Jeff patted Ron's shoulder and declared, "This means that Ron…the spunky little goofball who has been the subject of nearly _constant_ ridicule for almost the _**entire**_ show...took the _**last three questions**_ of the game…and went a _**perfect**_ three-for-three on them!

"I see a lot of potential in you, Ron. If you can keep your head in the game and tap into that potential, you will truly be destined for greatness. One final time, everybody…put your hands together for _**Ron!**_"

As Jeff returned to his position beside Steven's podium, the audience erupted again into applause and cheers of "_**RON! RON! RON! RON!**_"

Jeff soon stood beside Steven and raised his hands for quiet.

"Steven," Jeff reminded, "you locked in '10 yards' as your answer…"

Jeff pointed to the main projection screen and said, "The correct answer is…

"…'_**The whole nine yards!'**_…"

The crowd froze in complete shock. Steven blankly stared in utter disbelief as the earnings tower shrunk to its final position:

**FLUNK OUT**

_**--$25,000--**_

$10,000

$5,000

$2,000

$1,000

$0

Jeff tried to place his arms around Steven's shoulders to comfort the man who just lost $475,000.

"Oh, Steven," Jeff lamented, "I am truly sorry about this. At least you have $25,000 and an experience you will never forget, right?"

As Steven slowly nodded, he saw the look on Ron's face. It was intended to provide condolence. Combined with the slight twinges of pain that remained from the earlier bone-crunching handshake and hug, it was uglier than the 'freak show' look Steven previously saw.

Jeff pointed toward a specific direction and said, "I hate to do this to you, man…but we _**did**_ make a deal. Just look into that camera over there and read the cue card."

Steven looked at the card, read the words to himself and glared at the boy for a long time before turning his attention back to the selected camera.

'_I swear,'_ Steven's mind resolved, _'if I __**EVER**__ see that boy in my homeroom at Middleton…I'm going to make his life so __miserable__, he will wish he was never __**born!**__'_

"Good evening," he started, "I'm Steven Barkin. I survived two tours of duty as a First Lieutenant in the United States Marine Corps. Despite all my training and my graduation with honors from college…I am _**not**_ smarter than a fifth grader!"

Jeff waved to the camera and signed off with, "I'm 'Jeff the Redneck®'. Thanks for watching. Good-night everybody."

The taped music played once more…

_Are you smarter than a fifth grader? _

'Cause there's gonna be a test later.

Teacher, teacher now we're back in school. 

_Are you smarter than you used to be? _

Are you smarter than a fifth grader?

Grab a pencil and a piece of paper.

Teacher, teacher now we're back in school. 

_So are you smart enough for the fifth grade?_

_**-- -- -- -- -- --**_

_**(END CREDITS)**_

_**CREATIVE CREDIT---'NON-ORIGINAL' WORKS**_

**All **_**'Kim Possible'**_** references---Disney.**

All _'Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader'_ references---Mark Burnett Productions/Fox

'_**Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader (Theme)**__**'**_

Composed by David Vanacore for Mark Burnett Productions/Fox

Originally performed by the Blessed Kateri Children's Choir;

Blessed Kateri Catholic Church; Santa Clarita, California.

**_Depend®_** undergarments---Kimberly-Clark Worldwide, Inc.

_**Hi-C®**_ drinks---The Coca-Cola Company

_**--- --- --- ---**_

_**CREATIVE CREDIT---ORIGINAL**_

'_Samurai Crunchbird'_

'_So the Reality'_

'_Thad Marster'_

'_**Jeff the Redneck®**'_

'_**Barry the Satellite Dude®**'_

_All parody 'pop-culture' references_

_**ALL**__**Copyright 2007 by Matthew Shrader **_

_**(Rights agent for Thad Marster, aka "The Samurai Crunchbird").**_

""""""""""

_**Author's ending notes:**_

**1) **It has been a blast to write this story. I know the chapters have been coming out weekly…but the story seemed to nearly write itself. I hope the ending was not too predictable.

From the start, most of you probably figured he wouldn't get the million. I just hope you enjoyed the ride along the way.

**2) **_**Watch this space**_, as it were. The 'Prologue' chapter for my next story, 'COPS', is _scheduled_ to premiere next Saturday or Sunday (fingers crossed with hope). I think this 'Prologue' chapter is almost as good as the actual story this time.

'COPS' is just a 'one-shot'. Thus, I will release it the week _**after**_ the 'Prologue' chapter. This move will hopefully serve two purposes:

One, it should get more readers to appreciate the previous chapters of 'Prologue'. While the first two chapters were almost fully incorporated into their later stories, the 'Fifth Grader' and 'COPS' chapters can stand up on their own, if necessary.

Two, it should establish the importance of the 'Prologue' chapter for the 'Grand Finale'. To fully understand how the rest of the series leads up to that 'Finale' story, reading its 'Prologue' chapter _**first**_ will almost certainly be necessary.

**3)** The production of this story, like that for any work of fiction, is solely dependent upon the _constructive_ feedback of its readers. If you like it, I will gladly make more. If you think of ways to make it better, I am always open to suggestions. If you really think it's a piece of garbage, stop me before I strike again!! Once again, _**Review me, e-mail me if you wanna reach me! If you want to 'PM' me, that's ok!**_

Your friend in writing, taking a bow as the curtain closes,

The Samurai Crunchbird


End file.
